that the first question people ask me after meeting the girls is "are they biological sisters?"
I mean seriously, does it matter? Is it any one's business? Do you really feel the need to ask me such a personal question when I really don't know you?
This is usually followed by, "do they have siblings back in China?" and then the very offensive, "How much did they cost?"
Seriously??
Anyone have any idea how to answer this in a nice way?
And while I am venting I will also say I am SERIOUSLY disappointed in the FCC activities in our area. There is nothing...we are in one of the biggest metropolitan area's and there is no FCC group active...AT ALL.
This is a huge disappointment to me. Doesn't anyone understand the importance of keeping China alive for our children?? It's not like I haven't tried getting other's together or starting a yahoo group for the area. No one seems interested. It's such a shame. So now what do we do???
6 comments:
I just did a post on rude comments. Why do people feel a need to question us? I don't really think that there is an answer to how much they cost. The true answer is nothing, sure there are fees but not for the child. So maybe we can say the same amount it cost you when you got pregnant with your child. That may leave them puzzeled just enough to walk away and leave us alone. I wouldn't mind the questions so much if they didn't ask in front of my child. I think when they ask us personal questions about our children we should ask some personal questions about their children. We can say is that your biological child, when they say yes of couse then we can come back with well I guess he looks like his dad. or how long did it take you to get pregant? What postions did you try? Then maybe just maybe they would understand that their questions are to personal.
Hi! I found your blog through football and fried rice.
I just have to comment on the "how much did your daughter cost?" I have had people ask me the same thing and say to me, "adoption is really trendy right now." Seriously??? She's my daughter not a handbag or this seasons boots. UGH!!!
I have had two rude people (in 6 years) ask me how my daughter cost. I want to scream...We did not pay for our daughter, we paid for the process to get our daughter! But instead.....
Here's what I say, "she's PRICELESS" :)
I hope that helps.
I hate those questions too. I always answer, "yes they are siblings." Then I get, "No I mean real siblings." I answer, "yes." They get so flustered with me, but come on why ask such personal questions in front of my kids. They understand every word.
I try to always start with "Why do you ask". It helps me know where they are coming from and how angry I should be. ;-) Plus it throws a question back and them which usually makes them uncomfortable.
"Yes, they are sisters." (Leave it at that).
And regarding siblings in China, or other prying questions a simple statement like:
"That is a very personal question"
or
"We don't really discuss personal information with people outside of our family" tends to cut right to the point and kindly tells people to back off. It's worked REALLY well for me, and doesn't put me in an uncomfortable position myself if I am in a situation where I can't remove myself easily.
Cost: "SHE didn't cost anything, but if you are interested in knowing how much the adoption process costs, I can put you in touch with our agency."
I's just leave it at "They are sisters." Short and sweet so the person may get the hint to shut their mouth before anymore of their foot gets stuck in it. I try not to sound to indigent w/ these ques. so the boys don't feel awkward. However, they will indeed have the same ques. asked of them at some point. Answering a ques. w a ques. is always a good way. As far as the cost ques. (hate that one) : Usually if people are genuinely interested for themselves they don't ask you right away and they make an attempt to get to know you. So if they are strangers and ask out of the blue, I just ask them how much their children cost or just say "Priceless and walk away!".
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