Monday, November 26, 2012

Bonding and RAD

J has been with us 7 months now~ And things are....ok. I wouldn't say great and I wouldn't say awful. Things just are~

Some days are wonderful and everything goes smoothly. He acts like any other normal 6 almost 7 year old.

Other days things are not so good. That's the reality when you adopt an older child. They come with alot of baggage and bad memories and maybe if you are lucky some good memories.

J had a foster mom. And even if she never tucked him in at night or had time to read him a book or even walk him to school (at age 4!!) She was still his mom. Someone he loved and had an attachment to. A mom I have had to compete with.

J has basicly been taking care of himself since he was 2. He lived with his foster mom but she was a busy lady and had quite a few responibilities.

I asked him the other day how many meals he had during the day. His reply, 2. No snacks, no in between foods, just 2. Sometimes he would get chicken feet if they had to run an errand and he was a good boy. Now I understand why my almost 7 year old is the size of my 4 year old.

And the school thing. I asked him if he attended school. (fully knowing he did, just wanted his prospective and not China's)  He said yes, he did. I asked him how he got there. He said he walked, mostly by himself, sometimes with a friend.

Ouch~ If you have ever been to China you know how busy the streets are and no traffic laws or lights. When asked how far he walked he said it was long long way, much longer than walking to Grandpa and Grandma's house. They live 4 blocks away. Wow, a 4 year old in China walking alone to school. Can you imagine?

Makes me understand his bonding and trauma issues a little better. Doesn't make it any easier but my understanding and attitude are a bit different now. Which helps. That and lots of praying.

That's not to say we dont have our issues and he may still run out of the house half dressed and screaming "I hate you" (yes he has done this)  or hitting, kicking and spitting on me or his siblings.
(yes this has happened also) Thankfully most of it seems directed at me. We have also had days where he has missed school because he was raging at the time. And that is ok to.

He doesn't know how to deal with his emotions in a healthy way yet. But with counseling, things are getting a bit better. And yes, do not be afraid to seek out help. It doesn't make you a failure at all.

They may be just the non partial people to help. And a good healthy cry is also helpful. But once done, get back up, wash off your face and get back to it. Because it will get better. Some days will seem like you are backtracking but that one day you get that unprompted "i luba you ma" will make it all worth it.

God brought Josh into our lives for a reason and he is our son. Days may not always be sunny and fun but that folks is parenting. And in a few years or maybe months God willing we will have our routine back and a son who really wants and loves to be a part of our family.

Monday, November 12, 2012

It's been awhile, right??

Having a child with issues will do that to you. Not many people talk about what happens when you adopt an older child. Or what you deal with when your child has RAD. Or tons of baggage.

It's not easy and everyone suffers. Not just the child or the parents, EVERYONE.

How many of you out there are dealing with this?

There should be a group or something to help adoptive parents through this.....