Heavy Stuff, long....

I got the new book by Kay Bratt yesterday. I was planning on saving it for next week when G has her surgery.

I opened the box it came in and just sat there and looked at it. I was afraid, seriously. Having adopted twice and having experiences from both extremes, i just wasn't sure I could read it.

G was from a great orphanage. I knew she was in a foster type environment and I also was able to correspond with an American who was in charge of making sure the kids were OK. I am sure it wasn't like what we in America would say is the best but it was good. She was fed, clothed and loved by a foster mama. She had developed attachment to someone, she had medical care. I have pictures of G from the day she was brought in to the SWI until the day they brought her to Xian to meet Kerry. To this day I have contact with a very special lady who is still there, still taking care of the kids. I am so thankful to her. I feel the piddly donation amount is not enough to ever say thank you for the love and care she gave to G and the others. I would gladly have given twice that or more if we had it.

And then there is H. Complete total opposite experience. Completely, did I say that already? She is still having issues from being in the CWI. It's been over two years and I am not sure she will ever forget the trauma she experienced.

H came to us in Xian. (yes, we are fortunate enough to have both our girls from the same province) She was 20 mths old and barely 15 pounds. Her skin, when you pulled it did not bounce back. She was malnourished and covered in infected festering bug bites. She had a bruise on the side of her head that was huge. When I asked what happened the ayi stated that she had fallen out of her crib on her head. No emotion, no blink of the eye, nothing. We played nice and smiled for pictures but I was very anxious to get out of there. Once back in the room, it was far worse than I thought. I undressed her to put jammies on and I could count her ribs, each and every one of them. She had scars around her ankles and festering wounds all over her body. I am not exaggerating. When we got to Guan*zhou for the medical exam the doctor had us undress her and I saw his eyes before he was able to hide his emotions, he then fired away in rapid Chinese and our guide immediately got out his cellphone and called the orphanage. What followed was a 45 minute call that went back and forth between our guide the doctor and the director of the CWI. After all that I asked what was going on, I was scared and thought they were considering not letting us leave with her. Our guide said two words, bug bites. Yeah right, but not knowing mandarin who knows what they said.

H had not had solid food at all. (yes, at 20 mths no solid food) She would choke when we tried to feed her unless it was formula. She still has issues with this today. I am not going to go into any more detail, I think this description gives a very vivid picture of what she went through. She is now a very happy 4 year old with the greatest personality. She is tough and very outspoken. I think this trait may have helped her while at the orphanage. She is also very protective of her little sister. I am sure what she witnessed and experienced in the CWI helped to shape her. She is a survivor and for that I am forever grateful.

I went through so many emotions after coming home, from anger to sadness to being grateful that she is now home. I thought I had come to terms with all those emotions, we adopted again and G is from a very good SWI, one with sponsors and western influence. I thought I had put those emotions in the back of my mind only to come out when H has her night terrors or when we go to the doctors and she sees an Asian physician and totally flips out. I thought I was OK and had dealt with all those, however when I opened the box and saw the book and read the first half because I couldn't put it down, all those emotion came flooding back. I have a better visual of what may have taken place with H. I am not sure I want that visual but I have it. I am sad, sad that they think that girls are not as good as boys, sad that my daughter, whom I love more than life itself was mistreated. I am angry that she had to go through any of that at all.

I am not sure I can finish the book, I will try but honestly it is painful. I have come to terms with these emotions and am not sure I want to reopen old wounds. However, I will most likely read the rest. I have never been known to start a book and not read it all. It is a great book just a very emtional experience for me.

When my girls are older I plan on taking them back to their birth country. I want them to see and feel everything. It is a part of them. I am thankful that they are survivors. I am thankful that God was watching over them. Yes, God has a huge part in all this. I believe that with all my heart, how could He not. You have to have faith to survive the ups and downs of the adoption paper chase and then the aftermath. You have to lean on Him.

I am not sure how to conclude this post, I have cried, gotten mad, felt resigned and then mad all over again. I do know one thing, Kerry you may not want to read this part, but I want to adopt again.....maybe not soon, or in the next couple years but I do feel in my heart there is one more daughter out there for us......if that doesn't happen we, the girls and I will go back and volunteer. My 12 year old has already said when she graduates she would like to go to G's orphanage and work the summer before college.

Surgery Date Set......maybe

G's surgery is set for November 4. It all depends on IF she feels better, IF my mom can come up and watch the other kids and IF Kerry can get a day off work. That's alot of IF's. We are going to need you prayer warriors out there.

G has been sick off and on since we brought her home back in September. She seems to have caught everything!! That is not uncommon for foreign adopted children but I could really use a break and some sleep. Luckily the other kids with the exception of J have been pretty healthy.

Now, here is the looong list of things the surgeons will be doing on Tuesday.

* nose realignment

* ear tubes

* palate closure

* lip revision

And after all this she will be released the next day. Are you kidding me???? Wow, I hope she heals fast. So much for me getting some rest. But, this isn't about me. It's about my little girl and I will do anything to make her better. She needs this surgery. Her poor little ears are always filled with fluid and that has got to be painful.

So, on Tuesday next week while all of you are out voting, please say a little prayer for my sweet G. She will be hurting and could use some extra prayers.

This video is from saturday and I thought it was to cute. You can hear H i asking her Baba is he is strong enough to lift her pumkin.

Weekend Fun and an update....

This weekend was a cold one. Snow is expected tomorrow. Seriously. This is only October too. I am not ready at all.

Saturday we spent aimlessly roaming and ended up on a long dirt road with no plans and ran into the most amazing Farm. They have pumpkins, hayrides, barns, animals, play scapes, corn mazes and a store. We took a wagon ride to pick pumpkins and had cider and donuts, well the kids did, me I am still on a gluten free diet : (

The day after Thanksgiving they will be having Mr. and Mrs. Clause pictures and Christmas trees you can cut yourself. How fun does that sound??? The people that owned the farm were such nice warm Christian people. One of the sons and his wife were interested in China adoption and I of course was able to share our story and let them know about the world of waiting children.

Looks real, doesn't it?? It was actually water and a fake cow!!

These were fake too, they are made out of wood.

Doesn't she look real???

Almost forgot the update part. If you noticed the previous post it said that I had requested the file of a thirteen year old girl. Well, we are not adopting again. Sadly with the economy and the way things are we just can't. We are done. I feel blessed to have been chosen to be the mom of H and G. They are truly beautiful girls. As much as I would like to adopt once more it is just not going to happen.

The thirteen year old still waits..... won't you please open your hearts and consider her as your child? She is beautiful and really wants a mom and dad. Per C*hina rules she will not be eligible for adoption after her 14th birthday. She will not have many prospects if she continues to live in the orphanage. If you would like more info please email me.

Not me Monday on a Thankful Thursday....

Ok, I know it's Thursday but this is so fitting for Not me Monday!!

I did not just request the file of a 13 year old girl from China. I did not do this w/o my husbands permission. I did not just fall in love with her picture, and I most definitely did not inquire about fees and such.

What am I thinking?? We just got home two months ago and are totally broke from G's adoption. She is totally adorable though and at 13 will age out in about 7 mths. This is her last list and last opportunity for adoption. Somebody, anybody??? I would in a heart beat but have a most reluctant darling husband and no $$.

Costume Giveaway

Marie-Thérèse Gown GIVEAWAY!!!!

This is not sewn by me, I don't think I could ever make something this beautiful or have the time for that matter with five kids still at home, but it is stunning. Run over to her blog and try to win it!!

Wordless Wedneday

We have a winner!!

I went to random.org and the winner is #3. Rebecca.

I still can't figure out how to post the picture from the site but it was 3. Please leave me a comment or email me so I can get your address.

I will be doing another giveaway soon. First I have to create it!! I was thinking of a dress, bright red for Christmas. Not sure though. Any suggestions??

BTW, the girls are wearing their matching pinafores, the hair bow is from Keisha. You can go to her ordering site by clicking on the link in the sidebar.

No longer MIA and I need a new name

Sorry folks, didn't mean to leave you all hanging. We went out of town this weekend to visit family. The kids spent Saturday at a farm. They had a blast. Kerry and I then stayed up until 3 am with two sick kids. Grace hasn't been sleeping well at all. She gets very frustrated when she is sick. I think her ears are bothering her but can't be sure. Her peds doc won't give her any more antibiotics until after her palate surgery. She said it won't do any good her ears will fill back up with fluid. I feel bad for her it must be pretty painful. All things considered she did really well meeting all the family. She had smiles for everyone.

Anyway we are back and I promise to update more often.

I am also waiting for a redesign on the blog. I think I might choose a different name. Someone else stole mine. Can you believe it?? So I need some ideas. Please leave your creative comments!!

Halloween Giveaway!!!

I have this very cute Halloween reversible pinafore that I am giving away!! Yep, you read right, giving it away!! It is a size 2. The print side is super cute and the reverse side is orange and white polka dots. H is modeling a sz. 4 but the one I am giving away is a size 2. Both my girls have one of these and I have gotten many compliments and orders for them. You can enter by leaving a comment, earn an extra entry by posting on your site. The contest will end on October 21 a week from today. I will ship this out to the lucky winner the next day so you can enjoy it for Halloween. Good luck!!

Home 5 weeks...

It's amazing to think that G has only been home for 5 weeks. When I first saw her she was this tiny little girl that didn't show any emotion. She wanted only her Baba. She cried very little, even when she fell down after trying to walk. She had a rough start once home. We started out day 3 at the doctors and from there the hospital with pneumonia.
She had to endure multiple medications and tests, yet she was a trooper, never complaining. Five weeks later, she is always happy. She smiles, will go to me or her Dad and loves her brothers and sisters. She eats anything and everything. I am also happy to report she will now cry when hurt or when she wants something. Those of you that have adopted children know how important this is.

She has many more surgeries ahead of her but we will get through them. She is a precious gift and we will treasure her and nurture her. I feel so blessed to have been able to adopt not just one child but two. It is amazing what God can do if you only stop and listen.

Pictures in the Park

What a beautiful day. Today we went across town and had family pictures taken by one of Kerry's friends. She did an amazing job. The kids had a blast playing and Kerry and I now have some great pictures of everyone. We went to an early dinner and walked around an outdoor mall. (which is always fun) Yankee Candle had a sale and now my house smells so yummy.

G is really starting to share her personality with us. She is so adorable and always content and happy. The kids have grown so much in the last year. We had these pictures done 6 years ago at the same park. There have been many changes in our lives since then.

What to do...... and a contest for busy moms

We have been back in the North for almost two years. We lived in the Deep South for almost three previously and in the North before that. J has always been sick the minute fall set in when we have lived in the North. He gets crusty eyes a deep cough, bronchitis and then pneumonia along with frequent ear infections. In the South he almost never got sick. Obviously that's not the point but thought I'd mention it. Anyway, he is sick again today and also missed Tuesday. This will make 7 or 8 days missed and it's only October. He is the oldest boy in his class so being held back would be awful for him if it came to that.

I'm not sure if the school is part of the reason he is always sick. Last year we had many issues with the school, ending with me getting in discussions with the Principal. I was not the only one that had issues, so I know it wasn't just me. This is supposed to be one of the better school districts in the state we live in, we pay out the nose for it. My other two that have been in the school have not had issues, although the principal told me she only hears of the bad kids and didn't know my middle son. Bad kids, since when is a kindergartner a bad kid? J never talks when he isn't supposed to and listens, he has had consistent good grades. OK, again I digress.

My point is, I would love to send him to the Christian school across the street but who has the money to do that anymore? I would try homeschooling, but that also costs money we don't have and do I really want to risk screwing it up?? If I do something wrong, he may not be able to go to college. Now it would only be a couple years, J is in second grade and I would send him to the middle school which we are very happy with. But and that is a big but, what about the Minni's? I couldn't send them to the elementary school either. What a dilemma. Any suggestions???

Do any of you homeschooling mom's have advice on where to begin? I have spent the afternoon looking around the net and am now more confused than ever. I think I can do this and it would also benefit the girls, but where do I begin??

This is what would happen if I did home school, G's hair would be out of control and she is missing her socks and Jammie pants : )

There is a great contest going on right now at 5 minutes for mom. I would love to win the summer breeze set in blueberry for C. He shares a set with his brother right now but at 10 I think he needs his own space. This picture is one of my favorites, it is from a few years ago but with two more kids in the mix you get the idea. We need more beds.

Cleft Clinic

G had her clinic evaluation today. For those of you that don't know what this is I will explain. The clinic is held once a month for cleft patients. They come and are seen by ALL the specialists. So, we saw probably ten doctors in two different offices. We didn't hear anything we were not expecting other than her surgery will take 2-3 hours because her palate is pretty wide. They will try to repair the nose also and give her ear tubes. I have some concerns about doing this in 4 weeks but the pros out way the cons and we will move forward. I am so proud of G, she is an amazing little girl with such a happy heart. You can't help but smile when she is near. All the doctors took to her real well and she to them. She even blew kisses to the speech pathologist.

This is a picture of us before leaving the house at 11:30. (Boy, do I need to see the sun)

Here she is still smiling at 4:30 after we came home. Man, do I love this girl!!

This is what happens.....

when you have two toddlers and not enough hands. H was supposed to be reading quietly in her room while I was putting G down for a nap. I came around the corner and found this....

It's mascara. Black. She painted herself, the little tiny TV,her headbands and her headboard. Luckily it all came off, well except for the carpet. We are still scrubbing that. For extra cuteness you all should check out the video I posted on face book with her explanation.

Autumn Moon Festival

We had our FCC Autumn Moon festival tonight. It was a bit cold and the turn out wasn't as large as last year but we still had fun. We missed having Sunny, our exchange student from Shanghai with us. It just wasn't the same without her.

Hope wasn't feeling well, but still managed to play kickball.


Here's some advice for you women out there, do not let your hair dresser have free rein just because you are distracted. She cut four inches off my hair!! We were planning on getting family pictures next week but now I am not so sure.

We had six kids with us tonight but the others didn't want to pose for pictures. Hopefully next year it will be a little warmer.