Thursday, November 18, 2010

The downside of teasing ~

Our struggles with Hope and the teasing she was subjected to have had numerous repercussions. Some I expected, one I didn't even think about...
And it makes my heart sad...very sad.
Our girl has always been strong. She had to be. Left to her own devices in a crib 24/7 was rough. But Hope, she was very stubborn. She wouldn't put up with much and when the nannies didn't pay attention to her, she did the only thing she could think of, she climbed out of her crib and forced them to pay attention.
I am not just guessing at this, I was told this by the director.
That's just how our girl is, you either pay attention to her or watch out.
I love that about her. She is a go getter.
Seriously, check out her finding ad. Most are mug shots, not our girl, she is smiling, giggling even.

I worried when school started. Just your typical, "she 's not with me at home" stuff. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine teasing and name calling, especially in kindergarten.
I just didn't think it would start this soon.Don't get me wrong, I knew it would happen sooner or later. (emphasis on later) This is just something we trans- racial adoptive moms will have to deal with.

Me, I thought I was prepared. I had all the right things in my mind that I would say. I knew what I would do and how it would be handled.
And then it happened, she came off the bus and her face was down and I just knew, deep down I knew something was wrong and it wasn't just the typical school stuff.
My girl held it together until we reached home and then just lost it. And if you know Hope, she doesn't cry. Never has been much of a cryer. But this time she let loose, it was a loud sobbing, huge tears cry that lasted two long hours.
And the things that she told me, they were not pretty. And everything that I had in my head that I should have said just didn't happen, because right then she just needed me to hold her and tell her it was ok.

And I did. I told her how much I loved her and how we had waited so long for her and that China is a beautiful place and full of beautiful people.
Which led to more questions, some I didn't have the answers to and some that were hard to answer.
Which eventually led to emails to the school, to the teacher and finally in person talks to all involved. Which hopefully will take care of the problem....this time.
But, I know in my heart this won't be the last time we have this conversation or that she comes to me crying. And it really breaks my heart. I just don't understand how some people can act the way they do.
The worst part is she was proud of being Chinese. Yes, I said "was". She enjoyed telling everyone she was born in China and that her mommy and daddy flew all the way their to bring her home.
Now, well, she isn't so proud and she is more quiet about it. And that truly breaks my heart the most.


Tami said...


Oh kids can be so cruel...I feel for Hope....for you all. It sounds like you gave her just what she needed though. With your family's support and her personality she will be just fine.


Karin said...

I am so sorry to hear this happened and so glad you shared it. Hopefully Hope can rebuild her pride in who she is and her story over time.

We live in a community with many adoptive families (when compared to none) and many Asian families so I of course hope that our daughter will have a comfortable transition to public school from private pre-school but who knows.

All the work you have done to build her strength is not gone. Just shaken but you can rebuild it. This issue is a lifetime issue. You just put htr house back together brick by brick and when parts fall off or get knocked down, your strength in your daughters, your family, and your faith will help you help them to mortar it all back together.

Thanks so much for sharing.

Life with Kaishon said...

This just broke my heart. Knowing our kids are hurting is the worst feeling in the world, isn't it?