~ My Girl J ~

Gracie is one tough cookie. She has been through several surgeries, a major earthquake in China and many other things in her three years.

But I tell you she is one determined little girl. Where there is a will there is a way. I believe that is her favorite saying. And if it's not, it should be.

She is always laughing, having fun and the bond she shares with her Daddy is super strong. As Gracie says: " he is the bestest in the whole world!"

Please say a prayer for our girl, she has another consult on Tuesday. I think we are facing more palate surgery and ear tubes again. (yes, she had her second set put in Jan 6 of this year)

So goes the routine of a cleft affected child. Many surgeries. And it's not just rough on us, it's rough on her. She has a problem with the anesthesia and it isn't pretty. But, we will do what we have to do to make things right with our girl J. She is one determined cookie and I wouldn't have it any other way.

~ Waiting ~

Can we please get some TA's this week??? Pretty please?

Our adoption journey has taken a year so far, while many who were dtc after us, way after us have had their children home for two months now....it all seems unfair but I know God has a greater plan and Rachel will be home before we know it.

~ Outside Fun ~

~ Ice Cream Fun ~

Nothing like cool ice cream on a hot day. It helps that they serve children's sizes that cost a bit less too!! I think the littles had more fun with the magic mirror though. Check out Jie Jie's face in this one, it's pretty typical of her personality.

I figured after yesterday's heavy post we could use some rainbows and roses around here. Not every day is filled with drama but I like to "keep it real" and night terrors are a very real part of our nightly routine.

The husband is MIA for the week and we are on our own. Not much going on thank goodness and the kids are all healthy.

I am working on a new pattern. It's a gingham swim suit for Hope. I found the pattern in a new sewing magazine and had to try it out. Will post pictures and maybe consider selling them soon. It is such a classic cute little suit!!

Our TA wait is winding down. We should be able to have confirmed dates very soon. I am being told that the consulate appointments are booked for the month of May and into June. I really hope not. The flights right now are about $2200 a piece and that is steep!! Not sure what we'll do, maybe wait until August when the prices go down?? ughhh, wish they had a reasonable adoption rate...

Little Triggers....

Where to begin...

We have been free of Hope's night terrors for about eight weeks now, until last night. Usually I am pretty good about spotting the little triggers that could set her off.



Being overly tired, a Chinese man that looks like someone from her SWI, a stern looking Asian woman, some sort of discipline that she didn't think she deserved. (that's a whole nother' post y'all) Our girl is one stubborn, always right, type A personality. (but we love her that way!!)



I didn't recall any of those from yesterday,well maybe the older Chinese gentleman we saw around town. But he was very nice and soft spoken, so I didn't think anything of that. She did go to bed late last night. We didn't do our usual routine so maybe that was it.



Sometimes it's just that it hasn't been a while and she will get a truly crazy night terror. One that even has me in tears. Last night happened to be one of those nights. It was rough. Usually

I get angry, not at Hope but at the situation. The fact that whatever she experienced in China has affected her so much that she is continuing to have nightmares about it three and a half years later. These are not pretty and I am positive it is a result of her time in the SWI.



Sometimes they are mild, she will moan in her sleep and say a couple "no, no" type things. Not last night, last night started out with cries, not just an "I'm scared" cry but a loud painful help me cry. I went into her room and she is sitting up with her feet twitching, the muscles in her calf's are rock hard and she is crying. Her eyes are open but she doesn't focus on any one thing.
I try to speak to her softly. Sometimes that will work, just soothingly say "it's ok" over and over again.



Not last night, she cried, huge crocodile tears running down her face. Hope has never been one to cry loudly, it's more of a sad silent cry. Breaks your heart knowing she was probably told not to cry. I sat there on the edge of her bed listening to her talk to herself over and over. Trying to get whatever was hurting her to stop. She was in pain, be it real or not she was in real pain.

I can guess that maybe it had something to do with the way they treated her club foot. She came to us with scarring on her ankles and we were told they did "stretching" therapy. Sometimes multiple times a day.



I do know she was 2 years old at adoption and she was only 16 pounds, had never had solid food and still to this day has gag reflexes caused by this. I also know that whatever they did for her treatment has caused major night terrors and night mares that will probably be with her for life.



I see her go through these and there isn't a thing I can do. Last night she happened to look at me once and say "Mama, it hurts, please make it stop". How do you handle that? How do you make something stop that isn't real anymore? I can reassure her, I can say I will never let anyone hurt you again, but really, can I? I have no idea what she is experiencing. Last night was sort of a break though, she spoke to me. Usually she doesn't, most times she isn't awake and doesn't come out of it. Most times she will have her eyes open but doesn't focus, even though I am right there.

It isn't easy and it's not for the faint of heart. I just have to accept that there are things I will never know about. And honestly, I am not sure I want to know.

Hope is such a happy go lucky outgoing person, it hurts to think she has suffered like that. And that I can't make it better.

~ Tea Party Time ~

After an impromptu garage sale on Saturday where we made no money and hence a trip to Salvation Army to get rid of the things that were bagged and ready to take there anyway, the girls decided to have a tea party.

Notice the very lovely pink stained teeth. They stayed that way the whole weekend.

Note to self:

read the instructions on the side of the jar for kool aid mix next time.

and if I ever get the idea to have a garage sale again, don't. I am a terrible sales person and would much rather give things away than take money for them when I was just going to give them away in the first place... LOL